I have a good friend who’s due date has come and gone, and I was trying to think of particularly good advice to give her in these final days (hours?) about how to prepare for postpartum. There are so many resources out there about pregnancy and birth, and of course how to care for your baby, but one thing that is clearly missing is information about how to take care of yourself after the baby arrives.
Leading up to birth, there are countless prenatal visits, actually 15-20, assuming everything goes smoothly with the pregnancy. After birth, there are usually 2 visits postpartum, sometimes just 1. Does anyone else think this is insane? Once the baby arrives, the focus understandably shifts to them, but that doesn’t mean that the birthing parent doesn’t still need attention and care.
While I certainly don’t have all the answers, I think having an understanding of what is to come can help set realistic expectations for this time and help you feel prepared. Here’s what I wish I knew before I had my babies, and some recommendations on how to prepare for postpartum, from my own personal experience!
How to prepare for postpartum: the mental
From my personal experience, the most difficult part of postpartum is the sleep deprivation. With my oldest, I was in labor overnight. Being awake for 24 hours doesn’t exactly start you off in a great mental place but I’m not sure it made much difference. Not sleeping for longer than 3 hours at a time for months is literal torture and I cannot imagine that anyone isn’t struggling through this.
After birth, your hormone levels shift significantly, which can lead to “the baby blues.” These mood swings or feelings of sadness usually go away after about two weeks. Personally, I felt much more intense feelings for longer than two weeks. During one of your two postpartum visits, you should be given a survey to screen for postpartum depression and anxiety, but if you’re like me, you might diminish these feelings and tell them that everything is fine and you’re fine and you’re so, so happy.
Maybe don’t do that. I honestly didn’t realize how difficult a time I had with my first baby, until I had a completely different experience with my second. There are so many amazing things about having a new baby. But it is also REALLY HARD. You go from having complete freedom of your time to being completely physically tied to someone else. It will of course get easier and you will sleep again but when you are sleep deprived it is so hard to see through it to the other side.
If you are struggling, please, please, please, talk to your doctor.
how to prepare for postpartum: the physical
I had a vaginal birth, so I can’t speak to healing from cesarians, but I found it particularly difficult to do anything in the first few days that involved separating my knees. This sounds strange, but when there has been so much action (trauma) down there, I just felt like I had to keep my legs together at all time. Maybe it was just the layers of diaper-like items that I was wearing, but it was particularly difficult to go up and down stairs the first few days–because, try and do that with your knees together.
Be sure to use lanolin or some kind of nipple cream after every feeding, even when you are in the hospital! Take it from someone who had “damage” within the first 24 hours with both kids. Buy these thingys and stick them in the freezer. If its not getting better, ask your doctor for a prescription for APNO cream. It is absolutely amazing and heals you right away, I’m not sure why they don’t just give this to you at the hospital, honestly.
I actually forgot about the night sweats (or blocked it out) after my first was born and was so confused about why the heat was blasting in the middle of the night in the hospital which obviously was why I woke up to feed my baby drenched in sweat. Its especially fun if you happen to give birth in the winter, so you are hot and sweaty but then have to get up to a cold house to feed the baby. Unfortunately it lasts a while. The first few weeks I washed my sheets constantly but honestly after a while I just gave up.
Just another joy of motherhood, apparently during pregnancy your hair doesn’t fall out at all, and so after you give birth you lose all the hair you would have in that 9 month period in a month? I’m not sure if that is exactly fact but it certainly feels that way. I especially noticed it around my hairline where I (even still, 2.5 years later) have lots of tiny baby hairs growing back in. I also swear all my hair is growing back waaaay thinner than it used to be. Luckily this one isn’t immediate, you have a few weeks before you’ll find abnormal bunches of hair in your shower drain, from what I can remember.
Luckily, all of these are temporary, and honestly not as bad as they sound. But I think actually knowing about them before they happen can be so helpful.
Ways to take care of yourself during postpartum
One “easy” thing you can do to prepare for postpartum–with our second, we decided to hire someone to come clean the house every other week. This was suggested to me with our first but it seemed too extravagant. It was the best splurge! I am someone who feels stressed out by things being dirty and also hates cleaning, and knowing the house is CLEAN even if its MESSY just made me feel better.
I believe one of the main reasons (aside from extreme sleep deprivation) that I had such a hard time with my oldest was because I felt so isolated. My husband had a short paternity leave and was gone for 10 hours a day. I was the first of my close friends to have a baby, and I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to who understood what I was going through. Once I spent a lot of time walking around our neighborhood with the baby, but alone. The highlight of my week days was my parents coming to visit, when I could take a nap and a shower and have someone to talk to.
At some point, I was going through my packet of paperwork from the hospital that I had never gotten around to reading, and found a flyer for the Beth Israel’s Parent Connection New Parents’ Support Group. (While I did have Ollie at BI, you do not have to deliver there to attend these groups!) I attended a few groups, and quickly it became the highlight of my week.
The meeting itself was led by a social worker/lactation consultant who would go around the room just asking how everyone was, asking if there was anything in particular you wanted to ask about or bring up that week. Babies would cry, be fed or changed, we could come late, leave early–it didn’t matter if you were a bit of a mess, because everyone was. After the official group time, we were welcome to stick around and chat. Its a great opportunity to hear what other people are going through to know that you are not alone, and see moms and baby’s who are ahead of you to help you see what to expect for the future.
I feel so lucky that I found this group because I ended up finding an wonderful group of friends in this group, and in particular one woman who has become one of my best friends (hi Aubrey!) This was almost 5.5 years ago and we still get together with and without our kids, text almost every day (about our kids and not), and have someone to check in with to ask “is this normal?” I can’t even explain how much this friendship has meant to me, especially during those early months of isolation.
This group was so helpful for me, I attended until Oliver was a year old. My last meeting was right before COVID shut the world down, and the facilitator wrote me the sweetest card for his birthday that I’m tearing up right now thinking about. I cannot recommend this group enough. Again, its free and even if you delivered at a different hospital, you are welcome to attend. If you want to prepare for postpartum, plan on attending this group or one like it! And please tell Marge and Christine I say hi!
